Eldenbeam shook his head, remembering. “That Magic Malarkerette” he said quietly. “A lot of netpeople can’t stand her – just because you never know where she’s going to turn up next, or what she’ll do if she does. It’s all so random!”

“Much too random for me” muttered Walpurgis.

“You’re still cross with her because she painted your beak once while you were asleep!” said Hombellyton, grinning. “It wasn’t that” replied Eldenbeam indignantly. “It was the colours – pink, mauve and gold! So not right for me!”

Dot giggled and Eldenbeam looked at her and rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, there’s one good thing about the Magic Malarkerette no-one can deny” he went on. “She can out-Tweet anyone! The Twing was still going on and on and ON and she just started too - she loves doing naughty stuff like that - and after… ”

“Wait a minute!” said Wiz. “What does she look like, this Magic Malarkerette?”

“Oh that’s just it” said Eldenbeam, obviously a bit startled by the Cavalier King Charles’ interruption. “Anything and everything. And nothing!”

“ ‘Ow can zat be?” asked Fromage. “You sound like one of our French thinkaires, zat no-one can understand but everyone pretends zey do!”

“Just let me finish this bit, and I’ll tell you!” said Eldenbeam, a bit irritably.

“Huh!” went Fromage.

“One thing the Twing can’t stand, you see” the TricTrucTracker went on “is to be out-tweeted. But for every bit of silly nonsense he spouted, the Magic Malarkerette did four times as much – and louder and louder too. Finally there was a long Twarp - ”

“What’s a Twarp please?” asked Dot. She was having a hard time keeping up!

“Oh” said Eldenbeam “It’s the Tweet version of what happens to you realworld people when you’ve had something a bit too rich to eat, or maybe a curry, and you - ”

“Ah, right!” said Dot, blushing. What her Dad used to call a “windy-woof” when she was a baby, obviously!

“In the case of the Twing of Tweets, it means he’s had enough and he’s giving up and going away to annoy somebody else” Eldenbeam went on. “Sothat was a big relief. He was gone!! If it had been only that, I’d have been heavily in the Magic Malarkerette’s debt. But as it was…”

“I’d really like to know what she looks like” said Wiz wistfully.

“Oh all right!” said Eldenbeam. He finished his main course and wiped his beak. “I suppose I’m teasing really.” He grinned at the little dog.

“A Post-It note!”

“A what!”

“A Post-it note – mind you, with a little face in the middle. That’s always there, whatever she’s being. A pair of big green eyes, with dark curly lashes, a little tipped up nose, and what you realworlders call a ‘Cupid’s bow’ mouth… and she loves glossy lipstick. Dark red for choice, though I have seen her with dark blue. And even green. Mind you, that was when she was being a broccoli floret. Or was it when she was being one of those waxy jackets the posh people wear when they go out riding… what are they called now?”

Dot felt that her head was starting to hurt. “So she… changes a lot…?”

“A Barbour, that’s what those coats are called!” said Eldenbeam, slapping his paws together. “Yes that’s right, she changes all the time. Just for fun really. All she’s about is enjoying herself. That’s why she’s the Magic – because she can change into anything – Malarkerette - because she loves larking about in networld. Luckily Dad had met her once – when she was being a toothbrush – so I knew what to expect.”

He leaned forward towards Dot. “But the best of it was – as Dad had also told me, she can change anything cyber into anything else. But and here’s the point – only if you make her feel like it. And quickly! Otherwise she’s gone – poufff! – like that!”

“Poufff?” said Fromage, twirling his whiskers in a puzzled sort of a way.

“Yes, poufff! Just like that! So… ” said Eldenbeam, leaning back in his seat again with a thump, so that Lucia the Tracboat rocked gently in the netsky “Would she help me change my location from the Mountain of Food to the Mountain of Rood, so I could get on the track of my Lost One again? There was only one way to find out… ”

His voice trailed away, as if he was remembering a really tense moment in his cyberlife. Which he was!

“What was that?” asked Dot.

“Make her laugh!”